I was recently passed over for an opportunity I was absolutely primed for. My reaction? I was F*** pissed! The motivation being that I poured my heart into everything that was needed to earn a place at this table and still came up empty and because I didn’t see this coming. Am I not a good as visualize myself? Am I overly ambitious? Entitled maybe? Is my demeanor flawed? Should I numb myself more with small talk? This sucked, left a huge dent on my ego and led to quite the self-examination even as my motivation levels plummet.
Having played victim for all of one minute and having nursed my ego to some semblance of a put together public image-I am living my life on my terms effective immediately. In my moment of brokenness I wrote myself the below on a napkin (as I worked through the different grief stages). This was not initially meant for publishing but then-what the hell right? I promised myself when I started this blog, I would keep it 100% – so here are my mind musings.
Get out of Your Head & Do You:
Screw the reservations you hold about doing you. So, you don’t necessarily fit the cookie cutter image expected of you at the work place box (among several boxes to fit in). ). live a little live a lot!
You love tattoos and piercings, right? dip yourself in this indulgence-there is no logical reason not to. Your productivity, competence nor credibility will not be impacted by any of this-being a big walking phony will though. Stop validating other’s opinions over your happiness.
Feed That Soul
What are you good at?
I am…. creative, love taking pictures, refashioning clothes, I am flipping good at my job (funny seeing how you don’t have a place at the big boy’s table?). Well, no one can take this away from you so occupy your spare time with these things, be single minded in your pursuit. Always have it in mind how alive you feel when you plan a shoot and finally see it take life on the blog? You have starved this version of you, and we need bring it back to life now.
Remember:you will always have enough time and energy to do stuff that you love. you were made for this lady!
Do all it takes to get shit done
No excuses lady. Yes, you are a mom, run a household and have a day job. Is this all you want to remember the sum total of your life? Are you comfortable with this as your legacy? I need you to take more risks-plan for a shoot that is not necessary what is expected of you, do stuff you have an uneasy relationship with-reach out to someone in your community and ask for a collaboration. desire something? (within the confines of the law ofcourse)-well? at it woman there is no way we are not succeeding at this.
Additionally, put yourself out there -knowing full well people may not like your content or simply ignore it (would this be the worst?)
Study Your craft
So, you are into photography ha? You may take pictures to your little heart’s contentment, but lady-you need to back this with actual content. How do cameras work? how can you improve your photography? Post production?
Get practical with your craft and stop making pretend. You need to be good at what you love-get practical, roll up those sleeves and get to work because you have no excuse to be a rookie-we are in this to win it, so -off with you.
Stop staying mad and start living your life.